The Peter Pan Syndrome.

Came upon this one the other day. The Peter Pan Syndrome. Y’all know Peter Pan, right? That mysterious boy who never grew up. He lived in the forest with other boys for centuries being a kid and reminding people to get in touch with their inner child. He actually does not seem like a bad person to me. Problem is, when he is long overdue, he starts bugging my mind.

The Peter Pan Syndrome occurs when a person is stuck in a stage. Usually there are several stages in life one has to undergo. There is this particular one when one transits from childhood and trying to please everyone to self discovery and really not caring what the world thinks of you. However, most peole are still stuck trying to please everyone they know. They try doing right by the ‘community’ or the ‘universe’. Don’t get me wrong. I am all about following morals and norms of what you believe. But trying to, say for example, majoring in a certain course in college because it would please your parents, or because people will respect you more is just a load of bullshit to me. That shows how insecure you are in yourself. Your real self. And you need to know that you cannot please everyone. You should have known that by now. There are way to many diverse personalities in this world  to satisfy everyone’s need. And you are going to lead a life full of unhappiness and regret if you do know ‘find’ yourself right now. Go do something stupid or unusual. You just might never know.

Also, there are those people that are in there 20s and above and still act like children. You do not take care of yourself or your responsibilities. You still expect your mummy to come and clean up after your mess. And I am not talking about laundry here(although in some cases it actually happens). Because you still have that childish mentality, you cannot even admit to your own mistakes and try and correct them. you are always calling onto your parents to fix something in your life ALL OF THE TIME. I am not against parent help. Hell, I call my mum at times to help me with something I am really stuck at. But I make sure I try my best to first correct the situation. Because I know that the moment I hit my twenties, I became an adult. My teen years ended waaaay long ago. At nineteen. The stroke of midnight on 23^rd October. From now on, it is me against the world. Family can be my backup, but I first need to face the beautiful thing called life by myself.

IN MY TWENTIES...

Call me Eve. I am your girl next door. That girl that is charming with older folks. I am easy to talk to. i do believe I am okay when it comes to looks and figures. My mind however…my mind. It runs overtime. All the time. I do like thinking, but I rarely share my thoughts with people. I am kind of shy when it comes to my intelligence. I think it works differently. And I am saying that with a very straight face. So, could you be my audience? Step into my crazy world for a bit…especially in my twenties. The years that shape one’s life.

So, I am two years in at the moment. i am not happy with what it is, but I am working on it. So, I am that kid that was raised by a teacher. If you were in my position in Kenya, you know that education meant EVERYTHING. So I did my best. Still am, actually. Getting good grades, being at the top of some of my classes. Only, I came to realize that education is not everything. Do not misquote me. It is essential, but I think along the way  someone forgot to teach me some basic life skills, talk to me about boys, teach me how to put my make up on. I even knew how to have fun and let go just a few years ago. Basically, along the way, I forgot how to find myself.

So, at the moment, I am basically going through quarter life crisis. Everything expects something of me. When I was in my teen years, I thought I would be owning this b**ch. I thought that I would have a super cool apartment, you know, like  those with the super large windows because I am a sucker for class. I would be driving this really fancy car, have several investments in land, stocks, apartments, and still ace my studies at the time. Hahahahahaha.  I still believe in having all that, but you see the problem with that?? Right there… there was no actual plan of how I would get there.

That’s not all….my career…I literally do not know what I am going to pursue. I mean, I major in something…engineering. But I learnt when I was too deep into it that it actually is not my thing. I struggle a bit in my studies, I find my lectures really boring, I basically do not care for it that much. I have picked up some things here and there, I have a bit of a sharp brain, but I recently discovered I actually have a knack for people and relationships. But what to do exactly, that I am not sure.

Don’t get me wrong. I am not complaining. I just want you to see that you are not the only one lost in between the cracks of this big world.  That place that you are in where you are not even sure anymore who you are. Everyone expects you to be confident in yourself but you still have some insecurities you need to work through. You once had a defined style, now you want this one day and something else another day. It’s just a mess everyone. Anyway, those are my thoughts at the moment…it really is something in my twenties.