Confidence Matters…They Got it All WRONG.

Many people tend to say that as long as you feel great on the inside, you will look great on the outside. But it never really seems to work out that way now, does it? Please do not misquote me. I do believe in beauty inside and out. I believe in having a good and lovely spirit. However, I recently found out when it comes to confidence, you fake it till you make it. I also realized I have been doing this for years and I never really knew that. Like for example, when I want to get down and dirty with work, even when I am not feeling like it, I will dress up in comfortable ‘work’ clothes, and I will be fine. Or, dress up with my girls when we are really broke…we actually do that…to feel rich. Yeah, don’t judge us, we are crazy.

So, about confidence. The first way in is body language. Body language says a lot about you, just like you deduce a lot from your neighbor through it. It will project feelings of confidence, self-worth, or pity, desperation or a ‘can’t do’ attitude. Thing is, the same mojo you project to your counterpart is the same one that you project to yourself without even realizing it. According to Amy Cuddy in TED talks, when you have that power pose on, you stimulate testosterone hormone that is identified with less stress and positive attitude. Shrunk poses, or ‘beat down’ body language stimulates a hormone called cortisol, identified with higher stress levels and a weak will. You guys should really watch those TED talks..  https://www.ted.com/talks . Choose whatever strikes your fancy.

After body language comes your personal hygiene. Make sure you smell good and you are really clean. Ever had that one guy around you that is super confident and his breath smells like stink fish?? I bet you duck into hiding when you hear him coming your way. What we are looking for is that easy calm confidence that shows when you walk into a room. When you do not have to say a lot but then everyone listens to you when you talk. You are very noticeable, but you always blend in.

Clothes!!! You do not have to have the latest trend for a confidence boost. Just make sure they fit well. And by fit, I do not mean tight, you skinny jeans lovers. I mean fit. You always see that girl, right? The one that always tries to fit into really really tiny clothes? (Insert British accent). Yeah…not very confident when she is always pulling down that mini now, is she? 

Being an expert in a certain field also does increase confidence. Or having that calling or purpose in life. And it really does not mean that you have to have that sudden epiphany that comes along with visions and a bright light and angels. This is real life people!!!(Though if you have ever had one of those, you are one of the lucky ones). Offer to be a volunteer somewhere or start a charity or something. Giving back to society really helps build yourself. Or, join the local soccer team. Offer to catch the little guy’s team in your neighborhood.

Hope you do find what you are looking for. And that through confidence, you become a happier version for you. Fake it till you make it. Till next time, xoxo…Eve.

Money Personalities...What's Yours?

Let me begin by saying that no money personality is wrong, or bad. Our relationship with money comes mostly from how we were raised, our sub-conscious observation, and our different personalities. So, really, there is no right or wrong personality whatsoever. So, moving on to money personalities, there are mainly four of them: the spender, the saver, the risk averse and the security seeker.

The spender
He generally likes spending. He is a shopper, and mainly will buy things not for their use, but for the thrill of buying. This is the kind of friend who will tell you that you are just going window shopping but they will have blown their whole month budget there. Okay, i may be exaggerating, but you know them. The spender is great when it comes to shopping for quality things, but they do not realize what is quality and what is not at times. If you are a spender, as yourself when buying items if it will be worthy to you a few months later. If not, move on to a better and more quality item because, let's be honest..you cannot really tell a spender not to spend.

The Saver
They are also known as the Hoarder. These are the queens and kings of cheap, even when they can clearly afford more. They get their thrill from saving up, and seeing how much money they have in their bank accounts. They will squeeze every penny out of their daily lives just to save. They will go hungry for that...and i am not kidding. These are the people who do not see the relevance of giving gifts to people, or just going out and treating their friends to a spa day. They can be a buzz kill, and this can actually weaken their relationships to people. As much as it is a great idea to save up, some things are more important than money, like creating memories with your loved ones. Savers need to loosen up a bit.

The Risk Taker
These ones get a thrill from the chase. They are super excited to get aboard on an expedition to create wealth, without really caring about the details underlying the process. Pitching them a good idea is very easy, since it does not take much to convince them to invest. They also easily get bored getting stuck at one business deal for long. This can be a good quality since  they act really fast and make decisions timely, but it has a down side to it. Risk takers can get easily conned or fall prey to really bad investment deals. They just have to take a moment and pay keen attention to important details.

The Security Seeker
This particular one loves researching about everything and anything. This type will mark a particular price, then go on the internet or all over town looking for a better deal. They will probably run background checks on the people selling them land or a particular bank they are planning on opening an account with. They are good people to have when bargaining for a product. However, they can be stuck in a research rut, where they are always looking for a better deal somewhere, or waiting for that perfect time to invest. Opportunities easily pass them buy without them realizing it, and they come to regret that later. They probably need to team up with the risk taker to make the deals of the century. However, it is really good to have a security seeker amongst your friends because they are extremely knowledgeable in certain money fields.

There is one more particular personality that i have really never come across, but is probably out there.

The avoider

The avoider has no emotional connection to money. They will not care about material things. To them, relationships will take the place of money. They basically do not care how the future will play out for them or their kids. As much as we agree than relationships with people are extremely important, money is also very essential. With it, we can live a comfortable life and have the next generation all sorted out. The avoider needs to know the basics about money, how to invest it, how to minimize risk while maximizing returns and all that.

Hope you have a basic idea about money personalities. If you want an assessment test, you can take one here!

In a blur

Twenties..the time you are supposed to be an adult but you do not feel like that yet, or you are treated like a child but you do not feel like that either. I don’t even remotely know what I am doing. I just learnt a fun fact. Neither do most adults. They have no idea whether their methodology is going to work but most of the times, they are just lucky. Problem is, I do not want to spend the rest of my life trying my luck out and especially on life. So I got to thinking. Things that I know for a fact that I am good at. Things that I know I can do with ease and that I will enjoy; both from the past and the present. I read somewhere that if you examine your past…and really examine it, you may find the key to your future. 

There is only one problem with that. I feel like I just woke up. Honestly, I feel like there was this other person previously living my life and one day, it just got transferred to my custody. All I remember from my childhood is that I mainly spent my time with my nose buried in a book. Oh, if only life was that easy. If only it had a clear set of rules or goals, with clear instructions on how to reach them, my life I think would be much simpler. So, with the ‘knowledge’ I acquired reading romancing novels, or basically scheming through them, I discovered writing I guess. Well, in a way. And, I also have realized that I have a knack for making people envision what I see in my mind. Really make them believe in something. Combine that with the ease that I talk to people (when am not In one of those introvert modes)..i think I can be a good counselor, or psychologist, or manager...One day my darlings...one day.

So, one thing that has really stuck at me from scheming all these articles, blogs, books and journals is that no matter where you are, you have to do something .It does not really matter what, but you have got to start somewhere. You cannot win at life by strategizing it in your head with no real thing going on. Start from where you are and start unraveling that long barn of yarn called life. Those are today’s thoughts.

The Peter Pan Syndrome.

Came upon this one the other day. The Peter Pan Syndrome. Y’all know Peter Pan, right? That mysterious boy who never grew up. He lived in the forest with other boys for centuries being a kid and reminding people to get in touch with their inner child. He actually does not seem like a bad person to me. Problem is, when he is long overdue, he starts bugging my mind.

The Peter Pan Syndrome occurs when a person is stuck in a stage. Usually there are several stages in life one has to undergo. There is this particular one when one transits from childhood and trying to please everyone to self discovery and really not caring what the world thinks of you. However, most peole are still stuck trying to please everyone they know. They try doing right by the ‘community’ or the ‘universe’. Don’t get me wrong. I am all about following morals and norms of what you believe. But trying to, say for example, majoring in a certain course in college because it would please your parents, or because people will respect you more is just a load of bullshit to me. That shows how insecure you are in yourself. Your real self. And you need to know that you cannot please everyone. You should have known that by now. There are way to many diverse personalities in this world  to satisfy everyone’s need. And you are going to lead a life full of unhappiness and regret if you do know ‘find’ yourself right now. Go do something stupid or unusual. You just might never know.

Also, there are those people that are in there 20s and above and still act like children. You do not take care of yourself or your responsibilities. You still expect your mummy to come and clean up after your mess. And I am not talking about laundry here(although in some cases it actually happens). Because you still have that childish mentality, you cannot even admit to your own mistakes and try and correct them. you are always calling onto your parents to fix something in your life ALL OF THE TIME. I am not against parent help. Hell, I call my mum at times to help me with something I am really stuck at. But I make sure I try my best to first correct the situation. Because I know that the moment I hit my twenties, I became an adult. My teen years ended waaaay long ago. At nineteen. The stroke of midnight on 23^rd October. From now on, it is me against the world. Family can be my backup, but I first need to face the beautiful thing called life by myself.

IN MY TWENTIES...

Call me Eve. I am your girl next door. That girl that is charming with older folks. I am easy to talk to. i do believe I am okay when it comes to looks and figures. My mind however…my mind. It runs overtime. All the time. I do like thinking, but I rarely share my thoughts with people. I am kind of shy when it comes to my intelligence. I think it works differently. And I am saying that with a very straight face. So, could you be my audience? Step into my crazy world for a bit…especially in my twenties. The years that shape one’s life.

So, I am two years in at the moment. i am not happy with what it is, but I am working on it. So, I am that kid that was raised by a teacher. If you were in my position in Kenya, you know that education meant EVERYTHING. So I did my best. Still am, actually. Getting good grades, being at the top of some of my classes. Only, I came to realize that education is not everything. Do not misquote me. It is essential, but I think along the way  someone forgot to teach me some basic life skills, talk to me about boys, teach me how to put my make up on. I even knew how to have fun and let go just a few years ago. Basically, along the way, I forgot how to find myself.

So, at the moment, I am basically going through quarter life crisis. Everything expects something of me. When I was in my teen years, I thought I would be owning this b**ch. I thought that I would have a super cool apartment, you know, like  those with the super large windows because I am a sucker for class. I would be driving this really fancy car, have several investments in land, stocks, apartments, and still ace my studies at the time. Hahahahahaha.  I still believe in having all that, but you see the problem with that?? Right there… there was no actual plan of how I would get there.

That’s not all….my career…I literally do not know what I am going to pursue. I mean, I major in something…engineering. But I learnt when I was too deep into it that it actually is not my thing. I struggle a bit in my studies, I find my lectures really boring, I basically do not care for it that much. I have picked up some things here and there, I have a bit of a sharp brain, but I recently discovered I actually have a knack for people and relationships. But what to do exactly, that I am not sure.

Don’t get me wrong. I am not complaining. I just want you to see that you are not the only one lost in between the cracks of this big world.  That place that you are in where you are not even sure anymore who you are. Everyone expects you to be confident in yourself but you still have some insecurities you need to work through. You once had a defined style, now you want this one day and something else another day. It’s just a mess everyone. Anyway, those are my thoughts at the moment…it really is something in my twenties.