Those that do not take their socks off...

Hey loves,

Been a minute. So, being the paradox that I am, I watch romantic movies but absolutely loath Telenovelas. I was watching one (a romantic movie), with wine and fried food (coz that is how we roll), and there was some lovesick girl that had a guidebook on various male profiles.{ Y'all don't judge me, this is where I discovered that a guy is literally his shoes, a tested theory) One of them was a theory about men that do not take their socks off during sex. And apparently, they are non-committal. Who knew.

But other than that, there is something that I took away from this. Most women lose themselves in relationships, me included. We get to some point that we get someone get away with slack that we do not even accept from ourselves. He fails to call after attempting to reach him? Don't worry, maybe he is busy. He fails to bring you something that you had explicitly told him to bring? Maybe he forgot. We have these excuses in our head that are so stupid, and so silly, and we literally become blind in love. Which is why I suggest a rulebook. A rulebook with guiding principles, to guide our souls to redemption and our minds back to sanity. A rulebook would have an offense, prevention measures, hit rate, and course of action. An example would be:

I called once and I texted twice: Wait for him to respond in 24 hours: If not, move the fuck on. 

What do y'all think?

Staying Woke....

Let's discuss butts. And especially so, enlarged butts with our history. I bet very few of you know of Sarah Baartman. This chic was an African slave that was known for her behind. And I am not talking bout the Kim Kardashian size butt.

Eating My Frog

So, quarter life crisis is hitting pretty hard, and then Mark Twain decides to sashay into my life with his enormous moustache and famous quotes. It is kind of annoying, really, how history has a solution to your problems so that you do not have an excuse to fail at anything.

Crimes That Women Commit #2

So, there is a meme going round on the internet that we all cannot wait for our Boaz...that some of us have to be Abigail and wait for Nabal to die for us to have our David. This got me thinking. We as ladies have a defined perception of what we should expect, and the method with which our supposed husbands will find us.

Crimes You Commit as a Woman. (#1)

So, just yesterday, I had absolutely nothing to write and you know, panic mode set in...you know, that fear of being irrelevant  Yes, it actually does happen, till you realise that you cannot decompress unless you put pen to paper. Then came in the glory of Martha Karua.

I like to keep my sentiments regarding politics as impartial as I can. And I will try to, as long as everyone reading this blog realises that your vote is either your death sentence or life saver. There is an article I read earlier regarding how she always has her nails and hair on point. But yesterday, she was the epitome of femininity and feminism. So this chic, the anchor..

Mind Your Shoes!!

Someone told me that you judge a man's personality (and his wealth) by his shoes. If you do not like his shoes, you probably will not like his persona. The wealth part is another story.  For years, that is how I determined who would stay and who would not make it past hello. And it's kind of messed up, really. We have become so wrapped up in our physical appearances and what someone can do for you that we forget about ourselves. And I am sure so many ladies out there have these physical rituals that they have when they are interested in a guy

Men are like diamonds: So she collected as many as she could

"For we are working in a material world, and I am a material girl!!"

She looked straight ahead and held his gaze. She quietly smirked and grinned sheepishly. He did not flinch. That move alone would typically disarm any man. She was not willing to let him win. Her ego and pride could not permit her. She prided herself in collecting men like she did diamonds. Any fake ones would be thrown back to the murk where they belonged. The genuine ones...those genuine babies would be preserved in mint condition and taken out when required by occasion. She never slept with them-the diamonds that is

Myself

They never get to see the wholesome version of me. No one ever does. Not like I see it. Even the closest person in my life does not get to see every bad and good thing that i so, or think, or even feel. They may get to see the truer version of myself, but never the real thing. This is because i wear many hearts, and I juggle them at the very precise moment. I have a daughter role that i play, a sister role, a career woman role, a girlfriend role, and so many more. And no one gets to experience them all at one. So, please do not compare your experiences to mine. You do not know the shoes that I walk in: where they hurt, why they make me feel powerful. For I am, and forever will be a woman. And that is both the blessing and burden that we have to carry with us, and I'd be damned if I do not carry it with the grace it deserves.

Of Dead Dreams

It seemed so far away, her ambition and dreams. Like a silhouette in fog, appearing and disappearing through the mist. And that silhouette carried all her dreams. But it became fuzzier by the second. It seemed to float away backwards. Kind of what she imagined when they said the accession of Jesus.

Female Fluidity

Hey loves,

So, you know that desire that burns up in your heart, engulfs you in flames of passion and you feel like you can literally move everyone out of your way for the sake of a certain quest? Yeah…I have had several of those. But it so happens that we of the Eve kind go through with this for some time, then burn out after a week or two. Our male counterparts, however, will keep that baby lit up for about 3 months…or until the job is actually done.

Well,disclaimer first;

Let me be...

I am tired…tired of having to explain who I am or what I do, or why I do what I do to create who I want to be. People at times ask you questions like you do not have a right to be on this world. If you combine different things of interest like literature and technology, they give you the side eye and go like ‘Acha experiment, akichoka atasettle field yenye anataka.’  And when that success, they act so surprised. Why is it that we cannot be just ourselves without having to explain what we feel or our intentions to everyone. The moody me is still me. The mischievous me is still me. And so is the experimental me, the reckless me, the introvert me, the happy me. And if you look closely, all these selves are expressed in the way I present myself. In my hair, in my smile, the way I walk, how I roll my eyes. Quit trying to conform me to the standards of this world. All selves are me.
Love,
All girls that are finding their footing in life.

Dear me,

Dear me,
Give yourself time. Time to grow and learn. Time to love and be loved. Give yourself time to learn about this world. It is a cruel one, but it is also kind to those who know how to treat it. Give yourself time to experience and know various people. That is how you will build networks and memory. Give yourself time to know yourself as you know others around you. Because as you grow, you will change. Priorities will shift. You will disregard some things and hold

My Poison gave me my Life

I have never been one to retain memories in my head. Never. Even when I was a kid, I needed to be told what to buy around ten times, and asked to repeat it and make a song out of it. My  mum accepted me for who I am a very long time ago. See, having a good memory and being sharp should not be used in one sentence in my opinion. Anyone who is sharp and has a good memory in my opinion bribed someone upstairs or something. It should be a crime, really. Being blessed with so much. What do you need all that for? Unless the fate of the world is in your hands. Or you are Shonda Rhimes.

'When I was Your Age' is not relevant anymore

Ever just felt like quitting? Feel like the weight of the world is heavy on your shoulders, and you pray, day and night, that just once, you are allowed to set it down for a second to catch your breath? Ever felt like despite you being tired, the world keeps telling you to move it along. That there is no time to waste.  That this world does not sympathize with those who can’t handle ‘it’. And that there are a million people depending on you.  And maybe there are. But jeez!!!  

When were we ever given the time to figure out what  ‘it’ is? When were we ever directed to follow a particular path and butt-kicked towards it. And the older generation, they think that we millennials are lazy, that all we do is sit on our hands with eyes

Confidence Matters…They Got it All WRONG.

Many people tend to say that as long as you feel great on the inside, you will look great on the outside. But it never really seems to work out that way now, does it? Please do not misquote me. I do believe in beauty inside and out. I believe in having a good and lovely spirit. However, I recently found out when it comes to confidence, you fake it till you make it. I also realized I have been doing this for years and I never really knew that. Like for example, when I want to get down and dirty with work, even when I am not feeling like it, I will dress up in comfortable ‘work’ clothes, and I will be fine. Or, dress up with my girls when we are really broke…we actually do that…to feel rich. Yeah, don’t judge us, we are crazy.

So, about confidence. The first way in is body language. Body language says a lot about you, just like you deduce a lot from your neighbor through it. It will project feelings of confidence, self-worth, or pity, desperation or a ‘can’t do’ attitude. Thing is, the same mojo you project to your counterpart is the same one that you project to yourself without even realizing it. According to Amy Cuddy in TED talks, when you have that power pose on, you stimulate testosterone hormone that is identified with less stress and positive attitude. Shrunk poses, or ‘beat down’ body language stimulates a hormone called cortisol, identified with higher stress levels and a weak will. You guys should really watch those TED talks..  https://www.ted.com/talks . Choose whatever strikes your fancy.

After body language comes your personal hygiene. Make sure you smell good and you are really clean. Ever had that one guy around you that is super confident and his breath smells like stink fish?? I bet you duck into hiding when you hear him coming your way. What we are looking for is that easy calm confidence that shows when you walk into a room. When you do not have to say a lot but then everyone listens to you when you talk. You are very noticeable, but you always blend in.

Clothes!!! You do not have to have the latest trend for a confidence boost. Just make sure they fit well. And by fit, I do not mean tight, you skinny jeans lovers. I mean fit. You always see that girl, right? The one that always tries to fit into really really tiny clothes? (Insert British accent). Yeah…not very confident when she is always pulling down that mini now, is she? 

Being an expert in a certain field also does increase confidence. Or having that calling or purpose in life. And it really does not mean that you have to have that sudden epiphany that comes along with visions and a bright light and angels. This is real life people!!!(Though if you have ever had one of those, you are one of the lucky ones). Offer to be a volunteer somewhere or start a charity or something. Giving back to society really helps build yourself. Or, join the local soccer team. Offer to catch the little guy’s team in your neighborhood.

Hope you do find what you are looking for. And that through confidence, you become a happier version for you. Fake it till you make it. Till next time, xoxo…Eve.

Money Personalities...What's Yours?

Let me begin by saying that no money personality is wrong, or bad. Our relationship with money comes mostly from how we were raised, our sub-conscious observation, and our different personalities. So, really, there is no right or wrong personality whatsoever. So, moving on to money personalities, there are mainly four of them: the spender, the saver, the risk averse and the security seeker.

The spender
He generally likes spending. He is a shopper, and mainly will buy things not for their use, but for the thrill of buying. This is the kind of friend who will tell you that you are just going window shopping but they will have blown their whole month budget there. Okay, i may be exaggerating, but you know them. The spender is great when it comes to shopping for quality things, but they do not realize what is quality and what is not at times. If you are a spender, as yourself when buying items if it will be worthy to you a few months later. If not, move on to a better and more quality item because, let's be honest..you cannot really tell a spender not to spend.

The Saver
They are also known as the Hoarder. These are the queens and kings of cheap, even when they can clearly afford more. They get their thrill from saving up, and seeing how much money they have in their bank accounts. They will squeeze every penny out of their daily lives just to save. They will go hungry for that...and i am not kidding. These are the people who do not see the relevance of giving gifts to people, or just going out and treating their friends to a spa day. They can be a buzz kill, and this can actually weaken their relationships to people. As much as it is a great idea to save up, some things are more important than money, like creating memories with your loved ones. Savers need to loosen up a bit.

The Risk Taker
These ones get a thrill from the chase. They are super excited to get aboard on an expedition to create wealth, without really caring about the details underlying the process. Pitching them a good idea is very easy, since it does not take much to convince them to invest. They also easily get bored getting stuck at one business deal for long. This can be a good quality since  they act really fast and make decisions timely, but it has a down side to it. Risk takers can get easily conned or fall prey to really bad investment deals. They just have to take a moment and pay keen attention to important details.

The Security Seeker
This particular one loves researching about everything and anything. This type will mark a particular price, then go on the internet or all over town looking for a better deal. They will probably run background checks on the people selling them land or a particular bank they are planning on opening an account with. They are good people to have when bargaining for a product. However, they can be stuck in a research rut, where they are always looking for a better deal somewhere, or waiting for that perfect time to invest. Opportunities easily pass them buy without them realizing it, and they come to regret that later. They probably need to team up with the risk taker to make the deals of the century. However, it is really good to have a security seeker amongst your friends because they are extremely knowledgeable in certain money fields.

There is one more particular personality that i have really never come across, but is probably out there.

The avoider

The avoider has no emotional connection to money. They will not care about material things. To them, relationships will take the place of money. They basically do not care how the future will play out for them or their kids. As much as we agree than relationships with people are extremely important, money is also very essential. With it, we can live a comfortable life and have the next generation all sorted out. The avoider needs to know the basics about money, how to invest it, how to minimize risk while maximizing returns and all that.

Hope you have a basic idea about money personalities. If you want an assessment test, you can take one here!

In a blur

Twenties..the time you are supposed to be an adult but you do not feel like that yet, or you are treated like a child but you do not feel like that either. I don’t even remotely know what I am doing. I just learnt a fun fact. Neither do most adults. They have no idea whether their methodology is going to work but most of the times, they are just lucky. Problem is, I do not want to spend the rest of my life trying my luck out and especially on life. So I got to thinking. Things that I know for a fact that I am good at. Things that I know I can do with ease and that I will enjoy; both from the past and the present. I read somewhere that if you examine your past…and really examine it, you may find the key to your future. 

There is only one problem with that. I feel like I just woke up. Honestly, I feel like there was this other person previously living my life and one day, it just got transferred to my custody. All I remember from my childhood is that I mainly spent my time with my nose buried in a book. Oh, if only life was that easy. If only it had a clear set of rules or goals, with clear instructions on how to reach them, my life I think would be much simpler. So, with the ‘knowledge’ I acquired reading romancing novels, or basically scheming through them, I discovered writing I guess. Well, in a way. And, I also have realized that I have a knack for making people envision what I see in my mind. Really make them believe in something. Combine that with the ease that I talk to people (when am not In one of those introvert modes)..i think I can be a good counselor, or psychologist, or manager...One day my darlings...one day.

So, one thing that has really stuck at me from scheming all these articles, blogs, books and journals is that no matter where you are, you have to do something .It does not really matter what, but you have got to start somewhere. You cannot win at life by strategizing it in your head with no real thing going on. Start from where you are and start unraveling that long barn of yarn called life. Those are today’s thoughts.

The Peter Pan Syndrome.

Came upon this one the other day. The Peter Pan Syndrome. Y’all know Peter Pan, right? That mysterious boy who never grew up. He lived in the forest with other boys for centuries being a kid and reminding people to get in touch with their inner child. He actually does not seem like a bad person to me. Problem is, when he is long overdue, he starts bugging my mind.

The Peter Pan Syndrome occurs when a person is stuck in a stage. Usually there are several stages in life one has to undergo. There is this particular one when one transits from childhood and trying to please everyone to self discovery and really not caring what the world thinks of you. However, most peole are still stuck trying to please everyone they know. They try doing right by the ‘community’ or the ‘universe’. Don’t get me wrong. I am all about following morals and norms of what you believe. But trying to, say for example, majoring in a certain course in college because it would please your parents, or because people will respect you more is just a load of bullshit to me. That shows how insecure you are in yourself. Your real self. And you need to know that you cannot please everyone. You should have known that by now. There are way to many diverse personalities in this world  to satisfy everyone’s need. And you are going to lead a life full of unhappiness and regret if you do know ‘find’ yourself right now. Go do something stupid or unusual. You just might never know.

Also, there are those people that are in there 20s and above and still act like children. You do not take care of yourself or your responsibilities. You still expect your mummy to come and clean up after your mess. And I am not talking about laundry here(although in some cases it actually happens). Because you still have that childish mentality, you cannot even admit to your own mistakes and try and correct them. you are always calling onto your parents to fix something in your life ALL OF THE TIME. I am not against parent help. Hell, I call my mum at times to help me with something I am really stuck at. But I make sure I try my best to first correct the situation. Because I know that the moment I hit my twenties, I became an adult. My teen years ended waaaay long ago. At nineteen. The stroke of midnight on 23^rd October. From now on, it is me against the world. Family can be my backup, but I first need to face the beautiful thing called life by myself.